03/08/18, 11:33pm: note from about a week ago

EDIT: After noticing that reading my journals seriously affects my state of mind, for the purposes of future me’s mental health, it’s necessary to preclude this with a note: this is NOT healthy. This is NOT ok. Furthermore, this poem is wallowing in self-pity, self-hatred, and is furthermore self-absorbed, and is perhaps even more damagingContinue reading “03/08/18, 11:33pm: note from about a week ago”

1/29/17, 11:07am, messages from him on mute

You remember, and maybe this is the beginning of the problem: You’d made plans that night. He’d bailed, for a reason. You’d semi-bailed, for a less good reason. You’d tried to meet up with each other, and finally you definitively bailed so that he would not have to leave his friends. Something external changes, youContinue reading “1/29/17, 11:07am, messages from him on mute”

where have I been?

You’ve been extremely good, a little lonely, content with your friends, feeling alienated from close friends, feeling alienated from fading friends, feeling like a second-class friend, suddenly ready to cut people out, exceedingly comfortable with the people you love, willing to reach out to people you’ve looked over, unsure if this was out of desperation,Continue reading “where have I been?”

11/07/17, 10:53pm, dorm

I guess the gist of it is this: you don’t need me, and yet, somehow I have let myself need you. Really, this is completely my own fault, not that I didn’t already know that. I know I shouldn’t live my life refusing to need people more than they need me. But right now, IContinue reading “11/07/17, 10:53pm, dorm”