11/11/17, 1:54am

The first time, we were coming down. Surreal, soft: I am yellow and she is brown and you are gleaming, you are all gleaming. I am a pendulum: disbelief/wonder/disbelief. Who could you possibly think I am? Fairy lights and jaunty conversation about your day your day your day and this is how I find outContinue reading “11/11/17, 1:54am”

10/30/17, 1:34am

It’s not that we are too good. It’s that we are simply good, with a healthy tinge of non-heaven that I, because I am me, use to slit paper cuts into the back of my neck, at just the right spot where your torso is too long to spot it when you cradle my healthy,Continue reading “10/30/17, 1:34am”

10/03/17, 12:54pm

Last night, HJ asked if he could sleep over at X’s. Naturally, she felt insecure again: this was too much X for HJ; surely, something was wrong. She said yes. They talked little, touched little: X finished up a homework assignment as HJ scrolled through his phone. Post-hopping into bed and turning off the light,Continue reading “10/03/17, 12:54pm”

a short story, tbc

Yesterday, HJ told X he’d been having dreams about hooking up with men. It had started in the middle of summer. It had transitioned to real thoughts about physical sexual experiences with men as he walked around during the day, as he looked at their bodies. X thought she was thoughtful and supportive. She askedContinue reading “a short story, tbc”

07/21/17, 11:24pm

You’re over JKm. Really. And so you’re not sure why this memory popped up, in the suicidal freefall of the downhill bike ride — Was it the night you broke up? No — it was before that, you’re sure. You don’t remember what came before, but he looked at you and said, I’m a complicatedContinue reading “07/21/17, 11:24pm”

4/19/17 10:33am, on my bed in my dorm at college

Loudness is communication. Communication allows for understanding and change. What bothers me about MH, and now HJ is that they are quiet. They do not yell, or protest, or retaliate; they recoil. But this is far, far worse: in their quietness, they are resolute. Their judgements are set, their conclusions wrapped about you and yourContinue reading “4/19/17 10:33am, on my bed in my dorm at college”

on the walk here

JS is sitting on the steps outside my dorm when I walk out. I see him out of the corner of my eye: a solid pink sweatshirt and a penny board. We throw each other an obligatory wave and head nod. *** Vignettes of the weddings I would have had with each of my pastContinue reading “on the walk here”

a video of HJ

I didn’t think much of it in the moment. I’d spent the afternoon reeling in two distinct housing crises as he watched and offered sympathies. We were about to leave; he’d just finished changing. This is the video: it opens up sideways. It fumbles until it’s right side up, trained on HJ, still a littleContinue reading “a video of HJ”

another part of that conversation

Wait so…but…that first movie was platonic, right? Oh, yeah, that was totally platonic. And then what about the second one? Was that platonic? That was absolutely not platonic. Ha! I had no idea. Really? Do you do that with tons of people? I have guy friends, you know. I guess. I was so nervous, youContinue reading “another part of that conversation”