8/30/17, 10:33am

I suppose I can’t really be sure whether I’m only home for a short enough time that there’s not enough time for things to blow up or whether I’ve matured enough to preserve my healthy self in a toxic environment. I hope it’s the latter. More likely, it’s a combination of both, possibly skewed towardsContinue reading “8/30/17, 10:33am”

snapshot

Liability. Late night walks in the city lights. Late night cruising in humid air. Catcalls and cross arms and closed faces. Tortillas with peas and eggs and cheddar, stacks and stacks of Ritz. Banana pancake things in soft grey mornings. Jiggling jammed bike locks. Perfect, glowy skin save for a large and gently swelling pimpleContinue reading “snapshot”

being alone in ny

I almost started this journal off with the phrase, “for the first time in a long time…” — but I realize that’s not quite right. This has been a somewhat gradual process, an accumulation of being with HJ and living in China with not much to do and now being in New York, the cityContinue reading “being alone in ny”

05/29/17 3:32pm, sitting at the supper table with LaoLao reading Einstein’s Dreams

Reading novels like Einstein’s Dreams, texts that survey human life and distill it to simple actions of arbitrary and interchangable men and women — always put me in an odd state of mind. The Bible. One Hundred Years of Solitude. I can’t quite describe it. It takes me out of the present, takes me outContinue reading “05/29/17 3:32pm, sitting at the supper table with LaoLao reading Einstein’s Dreams”

05/21/17 8:51am, on the plane from DC to Beijing

It’s the end of a semester and I’m sitting on a thirteen hour flight listening to nostalgia-inducing but not necessarily inherent nostalgic music; rather, it’s music that I listened to while high just about a year ago from now — the end of freshman year, last year — and listening to it now makes meContinue reading “05/21/17 8:51am, on the plane from DC to Beijing”

05/26/17 6:35pm, on my bed in Beijing, China

I feel unable to express to HJ any sort of ill-being because he does not express those things to me, and it is doubly preventative because I don’t think he doesn’t tell me problems because he’s hiding them, but rather because he’s such an emotionally healthy and stable person that the problems he does haveContinue reading “05/26/17 6:35pm, on my bed in Beijing, China”