when I am happy I stop looking at myself from a distance
As I’ve always done with beautiful people, I’ve long only noticed Harry Styles from afar. I never fully allow myself to love things that I feel are too bright and too clean for me, and if One Direction was the pack of popular boys in school, then Harry had prettiest face of them all. He’sContinue reading “I’m really getting into Mitski”
I have asked for three days of space, and in the aftermath of the request — an unfussy affair, a quick text and only a few minutes of heart pounding, conceived of and solidified during my evening shower, Nujabes echoing on the tile — a strange combination of blithe, anxious, dreading, and then nothing atContinue reading “02/12/18, 12:21am”
it occurs to me: I’ve always thought I didn’t yet know who I was. but could it be that I’m truly, non-normatively nobody at all? a human so fully empty so as not to truly exist?
At a presentation for Taiwan-Chinese relations, and I can’t help but feel conflicted. It is naive. It portrays the entire conflict as a facade as a problem of ‘lack of understanding’ and ‘differences of human needs’, fixable with ‘human connection’. They likened the problem to an ‘onion’, in which economic power, independence, and national identityContinue reading “10/26/17, 3:09pm”
I believe this was jotted thoughts for a poem idea snow taking up ad space or is it just blowing back (futilely), wind on the front of a bird’s wings snow falling ice statues there is a special kind of cautious shame in those who bike upwards on a one way street and some lackContinue reading “07/07/17, 8:28am”
IT IS A SPECIAL KIND OF PRIVILEGE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. “You’re going to be a dentist, just like your mom.” It was so innocent; such a normal thing: like father, like son. Like mother, like daughter. I can’t say the exact moment it happened, but one day I realized that all the old tiredContinue reading “04/27/17, 4:53pm”
— and though this profoundly disappoints me, I now realize that I have spent my life not leaving traces because I do not want to see them later, or I do not know, simply, where to put them when I leave, change; and though I know rationally that it's not too late, I can't helpContinue reading “08/09/17, 6:05pm, sitting at the steps of the 54rd st library reading terrance hayes, gentle measures”
You’re over JKm. Really. And so you’re not sure why this memory popped up, in the suicidal freefall of the downhill bike ride — Was it the night you broke up? No — it was before that, you’re sure. You don’t remember what came before, but he looked at you and said, I’m a complicatedContinue reading “07/21/17, 11:24pm”
suddenly faced with a completely empty two weeks of summer and a somewhat decent budget on which to blow it, how is it that you suddenly have no place in the world to which you desire to go? no thing you want to do?