a few profiles for the trip

k– 1: exceedingly like SS in his external, no nonsense, hyper self-assurance and rugged, blunt approach and focus on people. I really can’t describe it. k– 2: generous, gregarious, open, playful, relaxed, content; his lifestyle and self-assuredness in that lifestyle struck me; he was very much a man living outside the expectations of being unhappyContinue reading “a few profiles for the trip”

journal #14, 1/4/17

1/4/17, 2:42pm, sitting in the chair by the screen door in m—-‘s house in s— b—-; WB and JH are in the other room I am honestly so done with JH, I’m not even reflective right now. I am angry. I am not understanding, and I have no desire to continue this friendship. he is *mean* —Continue reading “journal #14, 1/4/17”

there are no more moments alone

and when the time comes I hug first JH and then WB, and he walks behind me and wraps his arms and we prove we are still fluid; he lifts me up and backwards with a huge closed-mouth smile and I squeal, laugh, crinkling my eyes as JH looks on; it’s a pact: somehow bothContinue reading “there are no more moments alone”

journal #9, 1/1/16

1/1/16, 4:58pm, sitting on a large rock at l– c—- looking out at a picturesque sunset today, we rode in silence. the thing about silence while riding is that it’s difficult to tell what type of silence it is. my silence was a form of rebellion — an anger, an overacceptance of the fact thatContinue reading “journal #9, 1/1/16”

journal #16, 1/6/17

1/6/17, 4:58pm, watching the sunset on a bench on the s—- m—- pier good day, easy day. perhaps days like these aren’t watershed moments in my life, or at least they don’t seem like it. but these days are deeply good; they’re what we endure the other days to get to experience. I’m alone andContinue reading “journal #16, 1/6/17”

journal #15, 1/5/17

1/5/17, 12:16pm, sitting outside smart & final in c—— I suppose a lot has happened in the past 12 hours. JH and I fixed things with a long, mature conversation. things between us are fixed — actually fixed this time. I had *fun*, genuine fun, for the first time the entire trip. I missed this,Continue reading “journal #15, 1/5/17”

journal #11, 1/2/17

1/2/17, 9:26pm, lying in the dark in my sleeping bag on k–‘s floor in o—– a few thoughts that have been in my head today, and wonderfully solidified by a long conversation with ken, but first: WB. what do I do with this kid? I have a crush on him, and not just superficially —Continue reading “journal #11, 1/2/17”

journal #13, 1/3/17

1/3/17, 3:00pm, sitting on the rocks at an unknown beach in by some rusty pipes and a mysterious metal block with a danger sign, watching the birds from that one pixar short do their thing. we downed a can of beans for lunch, and I gave JH the last bit of mine as an oliveContinue reading “journal #13, 1/3/17”

journal #10, 1/2/17

1/2/17, 11:29am, sitting on rock at top of spontaneous hike, overlooking the ocean turning out to be another quiet day, a little less tense thanks to WB, but still not total ease between JH and I. last night — I’m still not quite sure what to think about last night. I slept in the middleContinue reading “journal #10, 1/2/17”

journal #6 12/30/16

12/30/16, 11:59pm, brother E’s apartment in l– —– left k–‘s house this morning and biked into a light drizzle around 10am. it was a smooth ride down a very mundane avenue; my attention was unfocused until we hit the coast and its beautiful water. we stopped spontaneously to pose in front of some gorgeous muralsContinue reading “journal #6 12/30/16”